PhysicsGirl:

If every single trait you have fell within the norm, you'd be completely normal ... but that in and of itself wouldn't be normal. Everyone has some trait which falls outside the norm. It's a statistical certainty. So, no one is normal.

You make a good point. I concede, that, in an absolute sense, no one is normal. So, provisionally, I call bullshit on myself. However, within the context of this discussion, that is to say, within the realm of the sartorial and sexual, diaper wearing by adults is unequivocally not normal.

PhysicsGirl:

You seemed to be of the opinion that a person with a fetish shouldn't talk about it at all. That is unhealthy and will lead to problems. If they discuss it like rational adults, and she decides that it is a deal breaker that is fine. But she doesn't need to do so in a psychologically damanging manner.

That's not really what I intended to convey. I do think a person should be upfront (at the beginning) about what they like and what they expect in a relationship, especially when it is something that is clearly not considered normal or acceptable by the majority of people. You're point about the next relationship where his secret comes out after ten years and some kids is exactly right. He should have told her long before they got to the four year mark. For his next relationship, if it is his opinion that what he does is perfectly acceptable and harmless, he should still recognize that it's not something most people are willing to accept. Somewhere, surely there's a support group he can go to where he can find an accomodating person.

PhysicsGirl:

If a person truly is unbalanced, you wouldn't have to date them for four years to figure it out. If they merely have a fetish that is outside the norm but can function otherwise, I'd have say that calling them unbalanced is a bit extreme.

That's the thing with these letters. There is so much left untold. In my experience, lots of people say "oh he/she is perfectly dandy, except for the fact that a.they hit me when they get angry, b. they are unusually attached to their mothers, c. they like to wear diapers, d. they have tattoos on their face, e. insert whatever type of behavior you can think of" but in actuality, there are often large chunks of the relationship that are twisted, dysfunctional or lacking in important ways. But unless you live in or close to that situation, it's really hard to say if that's true. (BTW, no, I'm not intending to compare wife beaters with diaper wearers)

I know that, for myself, I would not want to be involved with someone who has a serious sexual fetish, not because of the fetish itself, or any kind of prudery, but because I don't want to be seriously romantically involved with someone who has the deeper psychological issues that tend to go with those habits. Call me a freak if you want to, but I'm relatively normal and stable and I wouldn't want to be paired with someone who's not.

Fortunately, there's someone for everyone. Just because a person is not my cup of tea doesn't mean they don't deserve whatever shot at happiness they have. Some people would consider me hopelessly unadventurous because I don't want to explore blow up rubber dolls, PVC body suits or my secret shoe fetish. To them, I'm the freak. Which is fine with me.