mermaid33:

For the record (like anyone cares): The Reverend and I have been together for 15 years this month. I value my privacy so rabidly that he has called me "Waco" (as in willing to live in an underground bunker for the rest of my life so I can remain undetected by the authorities). We would only go into each other's purse or wallet in an emergency. We do not open each other's mail. I would not, even if I could figure it out, look at his laptop or his cell phone. I covet my personal privacy above most other things and I extend that to those around me.

Now, The Reverend, frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he checked up on me occasionally, as he has an issue with trust from his previous relationship. I have absolutely no indication of this, however, and he displays a respect for my request for personal privacy so I don't dwell on this possibility. If it makes him feel more secure, that's fine, as long as I don't know about it. If he wants to look through my phone or whatever, fine knock yourself out, but don't let me or anyone else see you disrespecting me that way by displaying lack of trust, please, for someone who's never given you a moment's pause. (Granted, this is easier if you don't have anything that you might need to feel guilty about, which I don't, so I can be cavalier like this.)

Now, if he were to ever dare come to me with something he'd "found" I would probably pull out the old "why do you ask" because unless he could tell me a real good reason why he feels it necessary to grill me about this particular person or phone call or text (a good business reason) then I would have to take his inquiry for what it is - an accusation. And if what he is telling me is that he was snooping for information and is now making an accusation (veiled as an inquiry) then I would not entertain the conversation further.

However, if I felt I was being cheated on I would feel it within my right to inspect more closely the business evidence that a third person might be being involved in my business. I would assume a right to inspect bank statements, credit card statements, etc., to see if any of my money were being spent in a way that violates our agreement. I do not own this man, but I do own my money (well, my half, give or take) ;)

Oh my friggin' God! Do you know how unbelieveably right I was when I said we're not really that far apart? This, girlie, is downright freaky.

The descriptions of you and The Reverand are mirror images of me and my little piranha fish (it's a pet name) right down to being 15 years together. As a matter of fact, today (yes, May22nd, and yes, I remembered!) is our anniversary.

And when you talked about the kind of investigation you might (theoretically in a different world where you weren't with someone you love and trust unconditionally, like me) undertake in bad circumstances, that is exactly how I would proceed. Follow the money, where it concerns your future welfare, if absolutely necessary. Nothing so lowdown as opening mail and checking email accounts.

You're an alright chick!

And big props to its yggy for his gracious acknowlegement of the glory of respectful debate! How boring it would be if we couldn't argue and how dismal it would be if we couldn't do it with respect.