Yo Dickster!

Now that it's a big election year, I thought joinin' a political group would be a good way to score some sweet stuff...hehe. Since I don't hang with no broke bitches, I teamed up with the young Republicans and found this hot little WASP wannabe.

Well, "WANNABE" is the operative word here Dick - her family is a bunch of over-educated, loud-mouthed, broke-ass pricks - aka LIBRULS!!!!!

And, they're all freakishly tall...

So, Dick, is the pussy worth it?

- Turd Blossom

Look Karl, we have one rule at the Noggin's Lair - no politics.

But I like the idea of a fat old bald guy hookin' up with the 18yo snatch vote. And, you're right - we red staters get a lot more action then those blue (balled) city folks. Just look at how Bush and Cheney are fucking this whole planet over!

So, of course the pussy's worth it Karl...at least you ain't payin' for it like Eliot.

Richie Boy...

Look...I'm not proud...but I'm not lonely either. You'll love this Dick...

I faked cancer to get a sympathy screw from this smokin' hot beeyotch. Well, sweetheart's been exercising the kegel clamp (if ya' know what I mean) and now she's my main vein drain.

But...it get's better. As a "survivor" I get to "counsel" the lady patients when their marriages begin to fall apart. These chicks go nuts for it Dick! But, my old lady has been readin' some incriminating text messages...and I think she's gettin' pissed.

How do I angle this Brother?

- Jackin' the Box

Sounds like a job well done JB, you got some braggin' rights there... Dick raises his 40oz Budweiser in your honor.

The answer's simple...

....threesome.

Get both chicks together for an honest open forum about denial. Feed 'em some Jello shooters and play some Belly CD's for 'em. Talk about feminism, sensitivity, Ellen and Melissa Etheridge while you hide the camcorder. Explain how you think David Crosby made the ultimate sacrifice.

Help Me Dick!!!

I'm a graduate student intern making chump change, so ya' know the only thing I've been humpin' lately is my fist (well...and...my pillow...a watermelon...some folded up raw London Broil... and various barnyard animals). I made the mistake of telling this hot little intern girl I work with that I make a nickel more an hour than her.

Now Gloria Steinem wants to go confront "The Man" - the head of the mailroom!!!

I don't get it Dick - I thought chicks were lookin' for a guy who made more money? How do I stop this bimbo from getting us both fired???

- Poon Dexter

What the hell do they teach you kids in school these days, DUMBASS!!!!

Look you have the right idea - pumpin' flora and fauna (dead or alive) is always a good thing. You don't wanna get prostate cancer do you? (but it's sometimes cool to fake it...hehe).

But you got it backwards PD - Pussy can getcha money, but money won't always getcha pussy!!! (ask Spitzer about that one)

So screw the "internship" - waddya makin', two bucks less than minimum wage? You go walk with your Sista into THE MAN's office and tell him he's a sexist prick - then say you're both leaving unless there's equal pay!!!!

After security throws both of you out of the building, take you're young Susy Bee Ann Tony over to your Marxist lair and ply her with wine straight from the box. Tell her how you're switching majors to "Womyn's Studies" because you've had enough of this shit....

And, after this young thing becomes your "kindred spirit", you'll meet her family, and find out how they're all short Republicans laughing at your tall, broke-ass, loud-mouthed audacity to hope. And she'll come to her senses and fall in love with Brent - the CFO's son.

And, you'll never get your stupid ass Johnson wet or stinky the whole damn time, will ya' College Boy?

Dear Noggin's Da' MAN:

My old lady's college roomate is moving off to the real world. Ritchie, this honey's smokin' hot. I mean, the only reason I hooked with my bag is because she lived with babelicious love goddess (I was hopin' for a threesome....).

In any case, the Babe wants to give all her old clothes to charity. Can I use this as an opportunity to snag some used panties?

- Sir Sniffs-a-Lot

Damn straight you can, Sniffle. Just offer to carry those heavy ass bags down to Aunt Sally for her. But don't limit your Goodwill to used panties - snag some socks and old bathing suits too.

Make sure you do drop off the rest of her crap though...and get a receipt for the Babe. She'll apopreciate your business savvy with the tax write off.