evil_robots:

I don't think it is the same thing for a dying person to say "I'm going to dream about you" as it is to have an affair. The dreaming statement could be taken as meaning "I know I can't have you, except in my dreams."

Well, the fact that she's "dying" has yet to be determined. All we have is what the boyfriend is telling the LW the colleague said to him. And the fact that they've met several times over cocktails. And the fact that she's sending him at least one text message that says "I'll be dreaming of you." Face it, the only reason either one of them is getting a pass with this behavior is that one or both of them is saying she has cancer. Substitute the word "chapped lips" for "cancer" and you have an official affair (perhaps just emotional at this point, but still an affair.) And yes, I do think that's kind of an inappropriate thing to say to someone ("I know I can't have you except in my dreams") who has been "kind to them" and nothing more.

I'm not saying her condition is not real but I'm kind of surprised at the naivite that says no one would possibly lie about this kind of thing for personal gain. This may be simply an older, more neurotic version of the "pregnancy scare".

Which brings me to another point. I'm curious how these two "colleagues" first and foremost, happened to hook up. This is not some random stranger that his cancer association referred to him; she starts out first as his colleague. I find it hard to believe that the HR dept would put them together so it must have been on their own. Was this fellow well-known for his cancer humanitarianism? Why would it be hard to believe that a person would invent an illness to get close to someone who would be sympathetic to their plight? And let's not forget that unhappy marriage she made sure he knew about - and that he made sure to tell his fiancee about. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that if this guy went to AA, this "colleague" would suddenly develop a "habit" for which she is now clean and sober but which will require the attentions of a sympathetic counselor. If he rode motorcycles she'd wear a Harley jacket to work one day. You get the idea.

There are just too many things that are fishy about this. Although there is always the terrible possibility that she is telling the truth about her situation it sounds more like either she is lying and he is naive, or they are both lying and using his counseling of her illness as a front to carry on.

The word "cancer" injected into the equation has succeeded in their personal situation the same way it seems to have here on the fray. It is causing people to be blinded to behavior that they would never put up with otherwise. I, too, have lost many (actually most) of the people in my family to cancer and I've also known a few people that used imaginary cancer to manipulate other people. So, my radar is up on this one.