...She chortled in her joy, did messy! Geese everywhere are arranging protests, but hey: they're friggin' geese, man. We win.

This sounds fun. Let's see:

While cooking, could someone please get me a Stoli rocks, double. One massive olive.

Openers, a soup. We'll go to the Texas border. I'm thinking my wife's black bean chicken chili soup (she was a professional cook, once). A lot of cilantro, added late. Accompanied by handmade tortillas from Jalapeno's Restaurant in Santa Ana, cut into 1/4 inch wide strips and deep fried as hot as the oil will go without igniting. All taken in with a Corona (Cerveza Mas Fina!), so cold there's ice in it. Maybe more than one. Maybe a lot more.

Next: a little antipasto, a play on Caprese. Off to Italy! Carpaccio-thin slices of beefsteak tomato and mozzarella, drizzled in olive oil, dusted with fresh ground pepper, a spray of kosher salt, and fettered with a chiffonade of fresh basil and (breaking the rules) a veeery light dusting of ground red pepper. This deserves a bottle of my beloved Muscadet, even if it is gauche.

Main course: I'm totally with Glutton on the Maine Lobster. I want a Mediterranean mien to it. Cook mine split, in the shell over a hot barbecue with nothing but salt and pepper. Take the shell away, paint with olive oil infused with paper thin slices of garlic, and chunks of Kalamata olive and fresh oregano. Some braised kale with spinach, basil, and red onion over wild rice should sit next to a bowl of clarified butter and a fresh sliced lemon. A creamy, buttery chardonnay - Robert Mondavi had a reserve a while ago that won awards and cost as much as a car payment. That'll do me.

To finish, Paris. Just a simple creme broullet, a BIG one, with the top cooked so fast and hot it looks like stained glass, and topped with a few raspberries.

And finally, I will repair with a bottle of Inniskillin Vinyards (Niagra, not West Coast) special reserve chardonnay, a Macanudo Medio Noche Churchill, and a comfortable chair overlooking something lovely, like Lake Louise from a balcony suite at the Fairmont in Banff or my kids playing tag on the back lawn.