I'm glad you said it (that Nam was for nothing) because I feel that as a person who wasn't even born yet, I'm not allowed to make a judgement about that war, for fear of pissing someone off. It goes back to that "if you don't agree with the war you are spitting on the troops."

Anyway, on a related note but probably off topic sort of, I was watching a documentary called "Am I smiling?" It's an Israeli documentary about women who have served in the occupied territories. The women had all be traumatized in some way, not only by the violence, but also by the need to tramp down on the feminine responses and be more "manly" in order to get respect from their male colleagues. This included not reporting the abuse of Palestinian prisoners.

But one girl really stuck out. She was a medic. She signed up for the medical corps because she wanted to save people rather than kill them. This would probably be my choice as well. Anyway, during the two years she was serving in Hebron, she watched children die on the operating table in front of her, because they didn't have access to enough medical equipment and wouldn't transfer Palestinian patients to Israel proper. She was also responsible for cleaning the blood off of prisoners who died due to mistreatment, so that the families of the victims wouldn't know how violently they died. They washed the bodies in the corridor near the bathroom, out in the open. Often the male bodies would get erections, it's part of the natural process of death and decay, but it is rather undignified. The girl spoke of how she had become so disconnected from humanity that she got one of the other girls to take a picture with her and one of these bodies. Afterwards, this picture preyed on her mind. Was she smiling in the photo? For years she fought with alcoholism and PTSD and wondered about this photo. In the documentary, she went and got the photo from her friend. She looked at it. While you never see it, you can tell from her face that she was smiling in the photo. The girl was devastated. How could she have been that person, who smiles in such photos?

Myself and my boyfriend were sobbing by the end of the film. Israel requires all but the most religiously observant to participate in the military. The women only serve two years, but in that time, all of these women were forever changed, and not in a good way. An entire society where a good number of the people are probably traumatized by what they saw...

Anyway, I was thinking of you Graylodge and others, who end up scarred from war and all that's related to it. While that medic never fired a weapon or received a combat wound, she was still a casualty. I know I'll be haunted by the look on her face when she turned over the photo, and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be her.

Is there anything a person who hasn't been to war can do for those who have? I'm moved to help, but I'm not sure how and I feel pretty damn helpless since I know I'll never really understand.