This is a reprint, and not without flaws, but I won't revise it now. (Yes, I know "the Taliban" is plural.)

BIN LADEN AND THE TALIBAN
(with profuse apologies to Lewis Carroll)

The carriers were on the sea,
Steaming with all their might;
Planes did their very best to make
Old Kabul smooth and bright-
And things looked dark, because it was
The middle of the night.

Bin Laden sat there sulkily,
And said, "Old Uncle Sam
Has got no business to be here,
And so I'm on the lam-
It's very rude of him," he said,
"To drop those tons of SPAM!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead-
There were no birds to fly.

Bin Laden and the Taliban
Were walking near the line;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of mines.
"If these were only cleared away,"
They said, "It would be fine!"

"If seven men with seven tanks
Swept them for half a year,
Do you suppose," bin Laden said,
"That they could get them clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Taliban,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Afghans, come and fight for us!"
Bin Laden did beseech.
"A *jihad* here will keep Them off
The Pakistani beach.
We need some more, if only four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Mullah looked at him,
But never a word he said;
The eldest Mullah winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head-
Meaning to say he did not choose
To venture out of bed.

But four young Afghans hurried up,
All eager for the treat;
Their robes were brushed, their turbans washed,
Their sandals clean and neat-
And this was odd, for thanks to mines,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Afghans followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more -
All hopping o'er the rocky hills,
And filling up the corps.

Bin Laden and the Taliban
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low;
And all the little Afghans stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," bin Laden said,
"To talk of may things:
Of shoes - and ships - and sealing-wax -
Of Arab oil - and kings -
And fighting during Ramadan -
And Tomcats having wings."

"But wait a bit," the Afghans cried,
"Before we have our talk;
For some of us are out of breath,
And none of us can walk!"
"Take cover!" said the Taliban,
As cruised a Tomahawk.

"An anthrax plague," bin Laden said,
"Is what we chiefly need;
Some anti-Semitism too
Is very good indeed-
Now if you're ready, Afghans dear,
We can begin to bleed."

"But not just us!" the Afghans cried,
Turning a little blue.
"To enter Heaven, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," bin Laden said.
"Do you admire the view?"

"It was so kind of you to join!
And you are very brave!"
The Taliban said nothing, but
"Prepare another wave.
I wish you were not quite so dense-
Let's get back in the cave!"

"It seems a shame," bin Laden said,
"To play them such a trick
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Taliban said nothing, but
"Your head is much too thick!"

"I weep for you," bin Laden said;
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sent to die
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Afghans," said the Taliban,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?"
But answer came there none-
And this was scarcely odd, because
We'd slaughtered every one.

Copyright © 2001 by Johanan Rakkav