I live in a mostly all white small American town and the frequent conversations I over here about buying and stockpiling guns and ammunition, by young and middle aged white men, makes me feel as if my life is in danger. What are so many guns for? Who are they gearing up to protect themselves from or to harm, there are very very few African Americans here? My town also invites a lot of lost and confused people who claim religion does not work for them or stopped working for them, people who now pursue unothodox spiritual avenues religiously. Many are feeling hopeless about a disease, an emotional problem, a promise unkept by family/friends/country or disappointed in and unable to handle a world always in crisis. Some have been so hopeless they (which have included the well-off and the highly intelligent and individuals who hold God deep in their hearts) have religiously given money to con-artist promising them a better life, to include being taken to another planet in a spaceship by aliens - true event that happened in the town I live in.

Hopelessness drives sane people to irrational acts; racism as a federal defense worker drove my life into the pits of hopeless dispair; so deep, I was forced to remove my relating to God as a mere heart felt feeling or thought of a dear love off in a distance place and start worshiping Him in a form of practice giving me the means by which to continue breathing and to find patience. I think that choice gave the God that Loves me time to work on me or with me, to release me from my personal mishaps and depressions and taking His Love for granted in good and bad times.

A form of racism, in which neither America's EEOC, nor an United States Representive, nor our National Security Agency was able to solve (to protect my constitutional rights in a timely manner) eventually drove me back to the arms of a substantial, real, pursuit of worshiping God in my daily life in order to successfully recover spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Some say God works in mysterious ways, I agree.