I'm in my mid-30s, professionally successful with a "good" job, a "nice guy," attractive and in good shape, divorced (with no kids or issues after a short term, ill-advised marriage in my 20s -- but hey, it shows I'm willing to make a commitment), regarded by my friends' wives and girlfriends as attractive and a frequent set-up option for their single friends, and I'm genuinely eager to find a good woman and start a family. At least according to the theory, I should be beset upon by all of the marriage-minded, hold-out, "strong bidder" women out there in my new East Coast hometown and running my own personal edition of "The Bachelor."

Alas, it isn't so. I get plenty of dates and plenty of opportunities to mutually add notches to well-notched bedposts. But, at least in the social circles in which I travel, intelligent, educated, physically attractive, "desirable" women seem little interested in or capable of changing their "single girl" behavior, despite their stated intentions to do so. Why should they? They're living the Sex and the City dream of good jobs, nice clothes, freedom to hang with their girlfriends, and have a seemingly limitless supply of willing and interested men (some of whom are married or in relationships). It seems like the pangs for hearth, home, and the pitter patter of little feet evaporate after a couple cocktails and the glimpse of a new guy's tight butt, triathlon trophies, or fat wallet. More often than you'd believe (and more often than would seem to be a coincidence), I've had the "let's meet each other's parents and/or think about moving in together" conversation on Tuesday, only to be told on Saturday that she suddenly: was getting back together with an ex; needed more space; wanted to see other people for a while; or just hooked up with a guy from a local sports team, had a really good time and wanted to see how that might work out. None of those "other plans" ever worked out for my exes, by the way.

While it's broken my heart, I can't say that I necessarily fault these women for their choices. They grew up being told that they can have it all, and popular media images depict a certain lifestyle as glamorous, exciting, and fulfilling. They're smart. They're beautiful. They're emotionally and financially independent. They don't "need" to settle down with someone for economic security (even if it's just shared expenses), personal satisfaction, or even if they want to have a child someday. They have, in short, what has long been the province of the classic swinging bachelor. The result is just as pathetic, but I wonder if they see it that way.

So, what's the end of the "game?" If men are thoughtful, sensitive, nurturing, or express their interest in being a husband and father, they risk being seen as a dull, sexless clod who isn't going to keep things exciting. If they are more physically and sexually appealing/interesting, they risk being seen as a plaything who, although fun, can never be tamed and settle down. What's a guy to do when he meets the "perfect" woman with whom he's completely in synch -- except for her fatal flaw of indecision and fear of commitment?