I must confess, I'm addicted to M&M's. Not "I really really like them" addicted, but "I'd fight a pack of rabid ninjas for just one of those perfect little candies" addicted.

So yesterday I was staring at a package of M&M's while happily munching away, admiring the cute little characters representing each of the colors of M&M's. There's Orange, the crunchy one- nervous, hesitant, even a little paranoid. His eyes are wide with fear and he's the only M&M noticibly frowning. I picture him as the college grad. He's the "oh shit I have to be responsible and make it on my own now in this big scary world?!?!?" M&M.

Then there's Green. She demonstrates the dichotomy of the ideals that men picture for women, a lady in public but a filthy raging whore in the sack. Remember the commercial where Red accidently walks in on her showering? Sure she covered up with the towel, but she was in no hurry to.

Speaking of Red- he's the Republican M&M. He's aggressive, domineering, scheming, and always thinks he should be in charge. When in fact that's just his defense mechanism to hide his shame at being below-average in height. Just look at the way he treats Yellow.

Yellow- goofy smile, eyes half-open and unfocused, always the follower. Yellow is the pot-head slacker M&M! C'mon, he slurs his speech, he's festively chubby (because of the munchies no doubt), and he's always confused about what's going on.

Then, on the end of the picture, facing outward, away from the others, is Blue. I have a problem with Blue. Blue is portrayed as the "cool" M&M. He wears sunglasses, he plays saxophone, he has a low voice, he's bigger ("bigger") than the others, he listens to jazz, he occasionally snaps his fingers when he speaks. Let's face it people- Blue is meant to be the African-American M&M.

Ok, I know, I know... I know those traits are not specifically African-American. I listen to jazz and I'm not African-American. My friend Adam has a deep voice and he's not African-American. That's not my point. I'm not saying that these traits indicate that Blue is African-American, what I'm trying to point out is that the (probably mostly) white executives in some M&M boardroom in Hackettstown, New Jersey apparently think that the sum of these traits would result in a character that African-American consumers would feel comfortable enough relating to that they would thus be inclined to buy M&M's.

Get it? Does that make sense. Now here's the problem...

There are brown M&M's !!! But there's no character for brown M&M's. What the fu#% is up with that?

I just emptied the rest of this bag of M&M's onto my desk. Here's the colors of M&M's on my desk right now: orange, green, red, yellow, blue, and brown!

Orange, green, red, and yellow all have characters with distinct personality types. But the distinctly African-American character was assigned to the Blue M&M. Why the blue? Why not the brown M&M? Were the M&M corporate executives worried that applying those traits to a brown candy would result in a backlash accusing them of racist stereotyping. But on the other hand, isn't it equally racist to deny the brown M&M it's own character?

So... is the M&M/Mars corporation dancing around the issue of race, is it openly racist by denying the brown M&M its own character, or have I simply stayed up waayyy too late eating waaayyyyy too much sugar?