you've GOTTA be kidding me, right? a thank you in person is a given, but it shows good manners to thank with a note as well. what if a gift is mailed? you can't thank them in person! time zones make it difficult to call at the right time, and if you're a rushed bride/mom, it's also the LAST thing you want to do b/c that 1min phone call turns into a 2hr rehashing of what's been going on with you, them and everyone else on the planet since the last time you spoke/saw it each other. and in some cases, it's just akward b/c YOU may not know the person very well due to them being a distant relative, friend of your parents, etc. and in this day of email and IMing taking personal communication down a few MORE notches and being so instantenous that no one bothers to send mail other than junk or bills, there's nothing like a note in the mail to say thank you for whatever.

i had to plan my wedding in 6mons (husband is in the military, it was either THEN or.....and we couldn't live with or.....) and i was working and i had to do it pretty much ALONE (he was stationed 3000 miles away. not in a great position to help, and his parents were 5hrs drive away. not in a great position to help either. MY family was just plain busy with life. they DID help, but it would have been nice to have BOTH sides help, but i digress) but i still managed to send a thank you note out to EVERYONE who mailed me a gift within 2days of receiving said gift. the thank you notes for the gifts we got on our wedding day got sent out about 3mons later b/c i was moving to be with him and that was precedent to everything else. i REALLY wanted to send them out within a week as we had no traditional post reception honeymoon, but couldn't. and NO ONE got mad at me for it (take that etiquette!) and were shocked and surprised i got things out when i did due to the whole wedding/moving thing taking place within 9mons of my engagement. my friends got a good giggle over how long it took the thank you note to reach them according to the post mark b/c i was so far away. so if *I* can do it, then ANY bride can get off her duff and send a thank you note WITHOUT requring her guests to do MOST of the work for her.

it is the bride's, groom's and their families responsibility to get the correct names and addresses of their guests for any pre/post wedding event and for the wedding itself. if you got an email address, you can send a quick note out to ppl asking for their address. i don't know how tacky mass emails are for something like this, but they help. there are programs like Microsoft Access, and even those JUST FOR WEDDINGS that help you keep names and addresses in order and can even print lables for you so you don't have to write it out yourself. no hand cramps! pretty fonts and colors, too! what's NOT to love?! and the postage for MOST weddings isn't more then $100 bucks for a small wedding (200+). that's chump change compared to what else is spent for these shindigs. and dare i say it, all the invites and thank you notes will be the EASIEST thing you have to do for an event like this. it's not that damn hard! i had my princess of a day, i was also stressed, rushed, a bridezilla, confused, happy, sad, moody and everything else a bride can be, but you best believe momma didn't raise no ungrateful fool! i got my thank you notes out, and did it in record time considering. this hostest is doing the bride a disservice and so is ANYONE else who thinks this sort of NONSENSE is ok.

you want your day in the sun? get off your duff and EARN IT! i know that somewhere a 3rd grade english teacher is crying.......