I am the mother of a 13 year old, who looks 16. Trying to find appropriate clothing is a true dilema. It seems to me if more parents were more concerned about how there tweens and teens dressed, some of these stores would be out of business.

I too have a 13 year old daughter, who looks older. It is hard. However, as her mother, I do have the final veto on what she buys and wears. Believe me, we have had our battles -- and I am certain that more are coming! Even though she has earned her own money for clothing (modeling and acting), we work together when she goes shopping. Fortunately, she doe not like to look "trashy" (her word). We have talked about how others view her and what she wears -- and while that is not her fault and she may not be sending that message -- society sees certain things that way. Is it fair? Nope. But modesty in dress is just a value that we as her parents have worked to instill in her.

I think all girls need guidance and assurance. We, as mom's, should be there role model, but that's not always possible. I have successfully raised a 20 year old, and a 17 year old. My 20 year old dresses like a minnie-me. We actually wear near the same size, and both love Ann Taylor. However, my 17 year old loves the style I call "hoochie-mama", and I am constantly picking up the front of her top to cover her breasts. She keeps saying they are not hers, they're padded, but nevertheless, out there. I guess you can say that they have picked their individual styles, and that my younger daughter will come to the conclusion that you really don't have to flaunt it, whether or not you actually do have "it". If the day is rainy, and she has no real plans, my 17 year old will watch programs like "The Girls Next Door", or some other low-brain voltage show offered by either E or MTV. So, I guess she is copying what she sees on these shows, rather than pulling together a look that works well for her. I have every confidence that just like we did when we were their age, we had to find our way, and what makes us comfortable, whether its Brooks Brothers, or Victoria's Secret. I remember wearing blue eyeshadow, which I thought was the coolest, both under and over my brown eyes. I am sure it didn't look attractive to my Mom, but she let me try it out. The message here that I am trying to put out is they try so hard, and their world is much different than ours, let's guide them, encourage them, and most importantly, love them and let them know it.

As a rule of thumb.. if I would wear it and feel sexy, I'm not buying it for my daughter. Every generation has it's "shocking" fashion trend, from revealing ankles in the twenties to the itty bitty yellow polka dot bikini of the 60's. We keep pushing the bar, and the bra... I think it's gone about as far as it can, though. When lingerie is worn on the outside as fashion, what's left? Fig leaves? It is sexing our girls up whether you wanna believe it or not, but it's not a new trend. Hormones happen at this age. It's just up to us as parents to keep them in the pants.

If parent's didn't buy the garbage offered for their "tween" then maybe those stores would offer something more tasteful. Most of the stuff looks like it belongs on streetwalkers. When my daughter was in middle school we had our share of battles about what I referred to as "slutwear". It still amazes me that parents will permit their kids to wear spaghetti-strap tanktops to school with no bra or with a bra that is obviously not designed to be worn "exposed". I have to suppress the urge to cut the thongs that I see exposed three and four inches above the tops of low-riders and six inches below tops that don't cover the midriff....and this is what passes for school clothes. I solved the problem by simply dictating what was acceptable and what was not and advising my daughter that our family unit is not a democracy. How do you argue with a 13-year old anyway? At the end of 8th grade there was a school trip to Washington that involved a dinner cruise, "graduation", and an 8th grade dance. Most girls bought different dresses for all three events. Graduation was full length gowns, big hair and long nails. The Oscars had nothing on this event. My daughter wore a suit. The 8th grade dance was more of the same, but different dresses of course. We shopped hard for that dress. The Limited Too was off limits. The junior section of the department stores had cheesy, cheap gowns with no backs (or what I considered fronts in some cases), with price tags that were inversely proportional to the degree of tackiness. I ducked into the misses section and found a "little black dress" that I brought back to the dressing room for her to try. Above the knee with a demure halter top, it was simple but appealing enough for an almost-14 year old. She skeptically tried it on. Since I have no credibility she asked a number of other patrons their opinion. She looked great but I didn't want to say anything for fear of jinxing it. We bought the dress. When I dropped her off at the dance (no limousine here) heads turned and jaws dropped. Guys were calling her for weeks after. She's been thanking me ever since.

One mom wrote in that she didn't see anything wrong with the T-shirt "Baby Phat". While almost all of us have had to get rid of some baby fat as a kid, PHAT is a hip-hop culture acronym that no girl should every aspire to be or have. It stands for _ussy, Hips, _ss, and _its. You can fill in the blanks. Sorry to be so crude, but PHAT is crude. You might want to consider that the next time you see some dude wearing a Phat Farm shirt or jersey or sweat top wants to take your daughter out on a date. Did I mention that I'm a High School principal. We deal with this stuff ALL the time.