I'll agree with Prudence up to a point, it is certainly possible that the boyfriend who wins all the arguments is an arogant bully, and I'll grant that sometimes it is more important to stay silent than to win an argument, but from the letter there is no real way to tell if he is a jerk or not.

Better advice would be that frankly, people with widely differing intelligence sometimes aren't a good match for each other. While sometimes opposites do attract, and no two people are exactly alike, very strong differences in areas like libido, intelligence, religion, and even politics can be "deal breakers". So, she should reevaluate this relationship, but she shouldn't assume the problem is all on the boyfriend. It may be no ones "fault" at all.

I am surprised that no one has mentioned Asperger's yet, and I was put off by the ferocity of Prudie's response. Smart people aren't all jerks, and dumb people aren't always clueless.

I agree. All I got from the letter was that he was better able to articulate what he wanted and the reasons behind it than she was. I don't think that alone makes him a jerk.

I wonder if it would be easier for this girl to communicate in writing? She has plenty of time to sit and think about what she wants and she wouldn't get so flustered when he came back with an immediate answer. It seems more impersonal but if she loves him and wants to keep him, it would be one way of going about it.

I think he's a jerk because he is inconsiderate of her feelings. I wonder if she just feels like she ought to win once in a while "just because" but she doesn't indicate what the discussions or arguments are about.

Fiscal policy gets really messy when you approach it emotionally (Congress) but where to live and how many kids to have aren't easy to resolve intellectually either.

I had a friend once who was 100% logically driven, also very smart. He was extremely fun to debate with but I recognized from the very start that somebody like that would drive me insane to live with, much less love. Emotions to those type of people are irrational and when you look at it that way, it is easy to see why they act the way they do. Take something else that we'd consider irrational - say racism. Now try to imagine your loving partner trying to convince you that you should not live in a black neighborhood because of these irrational beliefs. When I think of it that way, I can see how I'd react in sort of the same way as this guy.

I don't think he is a jerk. I just think he is different. He may not be right for her.

tonto_goldberg:

I am surprised that no one has mentioned Asperger's yet,

Since Prudie stopped just short of mentioning it, I knew it'd be only a matter of time till someone did.

Incidentally, my nonagenarian father who is like that? He's Aspergian (a word I just now made up), too.

 dumb people aren't always clueless.

Thanks, Tonto. I think anyone who's ever read one of my posts will agree wholeheartedly with this.

Now try to imagine your loving partner trying to convince you that you should not live in a black neighborhood because of these irrational beliefs.

What's irrational ? Who wants to listen to Bob fucking Marley at 3 in the morning ?

I dunno... this white girl kinda has a thing for Bob Marley :P Esp when that gorgeous blue eyed guy covered him on Idol!

Me. I have found that listening to Led Zeppelin at 3 in the morning is depressing.

Missed that. Which song/songs did he pick to cover?

SusanM wrote the following post at 10/16/2008 10:40 AM: I dunno... this white girl kinda has a thing for Bob Marley :P Esp when that gorgeous blue eyed guy covered him on Idol!

If they still listened to Diana Ross, i might - MIGHT - just give the Black Man a break.

Who said he is "inconsiderate of her feelings?" It sounds to me like he is in fact very considerate of her feelings, takes her position into account, and then patiently explains why she's wrong. Sounds like a good guy to me.

The thing I hate is that there are only two songs being recorded lately by young black musicians.

A. The song about the Oedipus complex - also known as "cursing to a beat".

B. The "boom song" in which everything in the song is superfluous except that rythmic "BOOOOM" that sets the kids' car doors, hoods, and trunk lids buzzing.

Then there is the fact that young white kids listen to this crap, not understanding that they are never going to become dark-skinned, never going to be cool, and never going to have any natural rythm.

There's the odd song that gets my feet a-tappin', but they always seem spiritually dead. Not like Diana....