I somewhat disagree with Prudie on the last letter, as well most Fraysters' responses. In the first place, the LW is already in school, and how does Prudie know the LW doesn't already have a job?

In the second place, if the LW was not the offspring of the woman in question, would people be as quick to jump to the woman's defense? Why assume that the LW must be exaggerating?

What bothers me about the mother is not so much that she's embarrassing but that she apparently feels she is beyond reproach. That's a dangerous attitude to have. My own mother has been embarrassing at times, but she's never assumed that she's always right merely because she's the mom and I'm the offspring. Unfortunately, some people have no sense of decorum and never will have one unless they're humble enough to be considerate of others.

Its possible that Annoyed Youth may have been less than diplomatic when he/she "confronted" the mother about her behavior, and if that's the case, Annoyed Youth should apologize for being hurtful, and try and work out a compromise with Mom so they can each feel that the other is being considerate.

regfife:

In the second place, if the LW was not the offspring of the woman in question, would people be as quick to jump to the woman's defense? Why assume that the LW must be exaggerating?

Because every one of us has been a teenager, and many people here have raised teenagers as well.

regfife:

What bothers me about the mother is not so much that she's embarrassing but that she apparently feels she is beyond reproach.

I think that the mom feels that criticizing her when she's doing her child a favor is pretty rude. It reminds me of the time a few years back when I did my sister a favor by going out and buying her a bunch of groceries (she was running very low on cash) and she complained that I had gotten 2% milk instead of 1%.....

If the kid lives so far from her school, she probably is attending private school, or her parents have made the extra effort to have her transferred to a better (for her) public school. Either way, there is trouble and expense involved.

Mom is permitting and encouraging the kid to socialize with kids from this alternate school, by providing transportation. The cheapest gas I've found lately is $3.49/gal, in a state which produces it. If they are in a large vehicle, it's costing a bundle. If it's a small vehicle, they are practically in Mom's ear, and it's hard to ignore the conversations.

If the kid would step outside of herself (himself?) just for a moment and recognize that the mother is going above and beyond what is minimally expected for good parenting, and maybe say "thank you" now and then, maybe Mom wouldn't feel the need to intrude. Besides, it's good parenting to get to know your kid's friends, so you know what influences your kid is being exposed to.

If the LW already had a job, she and her friends likely would have a driver's license, and one of the various parents would at least occasionally offer to let their kid have the car. My guess? She's about 14. That's the age girls seem to be the most embarassed by their mothers in particular.

...from the mother should have been:

"Here's your new bus pass honey. Now have a good time and be back before 10:00. If you're late, you're grounded."

The mother is flirting with the friends and it's wildly embarrassing. Yes, it does happen. No question. Especially if they are teenaged boys and a youngish mom.

My mother used to do it, unconsciously, I'm sure, with a friend who came to my house once a week to wait for a ride (the reasons for this are lost in the mists of time). The friend was a cute guy. Mom was batting her eyelashes in an effort to be cool and accepted, not for anything prurient, I'm sure.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing Mom was unconscious about. That guy was gay and impervious to everything but how desperate she seemed.

I am one of those annoying mothers. My daughter is very embarrassed by me, I am naturally loud. But I am also a Girl Scout leader and we do cool stuff because I am willing to go the extra mile. And deep down, all the girls love me. Even though I am this way. All teenage girls are the same, they will love me when they are old. It's a mother thing! It's my job to embarrass you, it's one of the only perks.

I used to tell the kids that I had to sign contracts to bring them home from the hospitals, promising (among other things) to embarass them at least every other day. I also told them that I'd misplaced the rubber mallets (so as not to leave marks) to use when they wouldn't go to sleep.

Usually, the kids just would warn their friends that I thought my jokes were funny, and that if they'd laugh at just one, I'd probably shut up. That and that I wouldn't move the car unless all the seat belts were buckled.

Prudie's response was super biased and she acted like the youth was just being a brat. Prudie should have showed a little more sympathy and said something along the lines of, "I know your mom may get annoying sometimes, but there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it, so you'll just have to wait it out." This kid asked for advice and Prudie basically said "grow up, bitch." because Prudie's sick of kids and teenagers and the work that goes into raising them....

I had the feeling this week's letters were somehow personal to Prudie. Here's the scenario I have envisioned:

1) Prudie's sister uses Mom as a hotel, and Prudie is incensed.

2) Prudie can't stand her mother-in-law, mostly because of the cigarette smoke, and is looking for an excuse to cut off seeing her.

3) Prudie's husband bought something pricey, like an electronic bass lure, and she's ticked off because she had the money earmarked for something else.

4) Prudie's daughter has become an teenager, and as such, has turned into a bit of a self-absorbed brat.

Prudie can't bear to tell these people off, so she lets her column do the dirty work for her.

It's pretty typical for kids in the hyper-self-conscious teen phase to cringe at their parents, the same way they cringe whenever they get a pimple; they're convinced that everyone is looking at them and judging them.

The LW (and your own daughter, too) likely doesn't realize that her friends are embarrassed by their own parents: maybe Heather's mom dresses like a frump, a tramp or an '80's refugee, Tiffany's mom delivers tedious older-and-wiser-than-thou lectures at the drop of a hat, Britney's dad stops and scratches his buttcrack while mowing the front lawn in a stained old sweatsuit, and so forth.

None of these kids see the LW's mom as negatively as the LW does - if anything, they're relieved to see that other people's parents are "weird" too.

Based upon the fact that LW does not have a car or his/her own home, it does not matter if LW has job or goes to school, because when people do you favors, you don't get to set the rules .

It is THE MOM'S HOUSE & THE MOM'S CAR and if LW is over 18 then he/she doesn't NEED his/her mother to drive them.

If the LW was not the child of the mother it would be a non-issue because you can pick different friends who are not loud and embarrassing. Couldn't you tell from the LW's tone - this is a teenager?

I don't think the mother thinks she is beyond reproach - I can't think of a mother I know who is going to be told what and how to do it by their teen-ager...

I fear this respondent may be over-projecting his/her situation onto the LW or respondent is also a TEENAGER because when you are an adult you are not in a position where your parents can embarras you so regulalry.

PS-EVERY TEENAGER IS EMBARRASED BY THEIR PARENTS

Maybe Prudie was raise in an era where kids and teens were taught to have a little respect for their elders, apparently you were not.

VelvetVoice:

I am one of those annoying mothers. My daughter is very embarrassed by me, I am naturally loud. But I am also a Girl Scout leader and we do cool stuff because I am willing to go the extra mile. And deep down, all the girls love me. Even though I am this way. All teenage girls are the same, they will love me when they are old. It's a mother thing! It's my job to embarrass you, it's one of the only perks.

Yeah, Velvet. You sound like "one of those annoying mothers" all right. Although I can't say I ever met one when I was a kid. My mother certainly wasn't like that. She of course drove me and my friends place and often spoke to my friends, but she didn't try to buddy up to them. She'd have thought that was ridiculous. As a result, my friends did love my mom, they told me so on many occasion, including at my recenty 20-year high school reunion.

You might want to check yourself if you automatically assume that "And deep down, all the girls love me." You sound pretty arrogant and probably a wee bit delusional. But I get it. You getting older, you're not a cool chick anymore and so pretending that you're one of the girls makes you feel better about yourself. That's cool. I suppose we all do it from time to time. I just feel bad for you daughter who is no doubt mortified but your antics. But hey, she's just a kid and as such her feelings and concerns are secondary to your need to feel cool still, even though you're no doubt not anymore, if in fact you ever really were.

So sad. But whatever it takes to get you through the day.

FYI: Lisa Las Vegas (cute name -- are you a stripper?). I was never embarrassed by my parents. They never gave me reason too. Why? Because they acted like parents. Set rules, gave advice, etc. And didn't try to act like something they weren't, like, say a cool teenager. Sheesh. Grow up people.

Wow. IncogNeato your vitriol against teenagers is startling, and a little disturbing. Since you seem to be so insightful about Prudie, not that I am arguing with you on any of your points -- they seem dead on to me -- but one can't help but wonder if you yourself have some closet issues here. How about turning that keen sense of analytical and scathing perception upon yourself. Cuz we're all just dying to know about your lousy adolescence and how you loathed all those kids in your school -- the big dumb, dummy jerk jerks. Pffft. Really. Tell. It's like crack to us bored losers.