Like Fitzpatrick wrote in "Quick Takes: Talk it Out or Punch it Out" post, are you scared nervous or excited nervous? That does give a major clue, but it's also OK if you don't know which.
I Think Prudie gave some knee-jerk advice to tell the BF she's too young. If she is, she is, that's the LW's conclusion to draw, but Prudie sort of throws it out there as a pat, all-purpose answer that really doesn't do the LW or millions of teens (boys and girls) like her any good. It's like saying " Because I said so". Obviously, she's not alone in doing that. We adults tend to boil down years of experience and personal reflection down to some simplistic answers like "you should wait" and scaring them with notions like "momentous" (which it isn't for everybody). I suppose I mean that teens need SO much more frank, accurate information about sex and sexuality, including the psychological aspects, than we are giving them these days, before we toss pat answers at them. (Not that it was better at any earlier time, mind you). The poor girl was wondering is she's normal, for heaven's sake. There seems to be a serious gap in her knowledge. Was that all we can tell her?
Prudie then said she'd know when it was exactly the right thing for her to lose her virginity. Really? Jeez, wish I'd had that kinda insight at 17. It's only looking back that you really know. Why aren't we being honest about that when teens ask us?
I might be totally off on this, just my reading comprehension led me to believe that when the LW wrote she didn't want to let her BF down, she meant more in the sense of not wanting to be endlessly wishy-washy about it either way. She may be aware that there is a boy's feelings here to consider as well. I don't mean she should ever succumb to pressure on his part to do anything she doesn't want to, but to continue to give girls the false impression that an otherwise perfectly nice, kind guy will always wait, and only an asshole bad boy dumps a girl because they're tired of waiting, or loses interest after ("If he's really a good guy he'll wait. If he's not, he's a total dog" kinda spin) doesn't reflect the real-life complex emotions and hormones involved for both partners. It only leaves girls fearful, distrustful and resentful towards men later in life. Surely some nice guys out there can attest to having made that foolish mistake once or twice when they were young, but that they have since learned how to behave? We can warn girls of this unfortunate reality, and can teach them how to deal with it while holding their heads high and their self-esteem intact into adulthood.
