Slate's explainer tackles H1N1 swine flu today - and thankfully, the vaccine shortages are not the result of an uncaring and uncompetent obama administration, as they were under bush (whew - we sure dodged a bullet there, eh?)

This got me thinking though - what OTHER things would be "better" (more entertaining) for Slate's "explainer" to enlighten us about in the future? Here are my top 10 suggestions - and Slate, please feel free to tackle any of these without royalties to me - these are freebies . ..

10 - "Why don't people die using a laser printer?" That fricking thing has an actual laser inside it. A death ray. I'm not saying they have to rename it the "death ray" printer - but is it safe to have a laser weapon right next to you when you make copies? What direction is it aimed at? If i crouch while using it will I have less chance of getting hit if it misfires?

9 - "Are segway users all stupid twits?" I saw a flock of them (pack? herd?) in DC a few months ago. They all had helmets, kneepads, and the sort of vests that you'd wear if you were a school crossing guard. How do people this dumb come up with the $3,500 to buy a segway in the first place? And why weren't they immediately arrested for blasting along the sidewalk at 15mph? Anyone who did that on a bicycle certainly would be.

8 - "Whats it like to drive a Fiat 500?" Soon all Chryslers will be rebadged Fiat 500s. Will this, in fact, be the nail in Chrysler's coffin? Fiat loses road test comparisons to subcompacts everywhere (honda civic, toyota corolla, even the kia forte). Slate – please go to Europe (say hello to Angela Merkel too) and advise us what its like to drive a 500 on the autobahn. Are back seat passengers larger than 5 years old still required to know kundalini yoga to enter and exit? Is the Fiat 500 helpless in as little as a half inch of snow, as they claim? Slate readers want to know . ..

7 - "Does medical marijuana cure anything?" - with the Obama crowd about to bypass the Food and Drug Administration, and rule by fiat that pot is a safe and effective medicine, can someone at Slate (with a legitimate medical condition, like glaucoma) report back whether they got better, or if they simply didn’t worry about their disease as much? Was productivity on the job affected?

6 - "How many of our senators and representatives are NOT lawyers?" We have 100 senators, and 435 representatives. List the professions and college degrees for them, please. Do we have any credentialed economists or accountants involved in assessing our tax and budget deficit struggles? Or are they mostly poli sci or english lit majors (like me)?

5 - "Why are the martian ice caps melting?" Is mars too close to earth, and our global warming is reflecting on to them? Did the 2 mars rovers we sent up there somehow tip their delicate ecological balance? Is it another error in the algoryhthm NASA uses to change actual measured temperatures, like here on earth?

4 - "Do republicans have any viable presidential candidates?" Between the TV preacher (huckabee), the hedge fund criminal (romney), the quitter (palin) I'm not seeing any so far. How about that indian guy in louisiana - he's as callow and inexperienced as obama - is he their best hope? Don't say newt gingrich, please. please. please.

3 - "Why does a built in Nav system in a Chevy cost $1,500 as an option, but i can buy a portable one at Costco for just $99?" Is this, in fact, a giant ripoff, or is there actually a benign explanation, like the extra $1,401 is being used to repay the billions in government bailouts which GM got?

2 - "Why do i need to pay $299 for a kindle - isn't there an iPhone or Droid app that will do the same thing?" - Hucksters keep coming up with extra gizmos for us to carry. Who really wants to spend as much on a kindle as a netbook would cost? And why is my cell phone camera only 1 megapixel?

1 - "Which countries still hate America most, and why?" I just read elsewhere that Canadians still hate us. (full dislcosure - i'm not giving anyone maple syrup or canadian club whiskey over the holidays in retaliation). But how about the other past enemies of the bush administration? Are brits still hating? Frants and the Aryan nation? If so, why? This was obama's biggest campaign promise - to make everyone love us again. Would actually closing Gitmo, and leaving Iraq, like he originally promised, make any difference?

And no, closing Gitmo wouldn't help anything.

I have to admit that I have never seen a single Segway rider. Much less a murder of them. This was supposed to revolutionize transportation? People look almost as silly on them as those wearing bicycle helmets. There was a fine South Park on this.

No, medical marijuana doesn't cure anything. It's a palliative. Which works as well as any other (I'm told). And shouldn't be a concern of law enforcement, but is a great drain on their resources. Because of nanny-statists like you (present company excepted).

While I'd follow the Divine Sarah to the gates of Hell, and she's certainly a political force with which to be reckoned, I'm not sure about her viability as a presidential candidate. In other words, were she on the ballot, I'd vote for her with much oomph and espieglerie, but my vote would only count once, no matter how enthusiastic. The last time the opposition had a definite leader this far out was Reagan. Who ever heard of Barack Obama? (Pawlenty, MN, Daniels, IN)

Brilliantly funny,as always Especially,tickled by #5: the melting ice caps on Mars and #7 on Medical Marijuana and it's proverbial curative powers. hahaha. One tiny quibble" algorithm< is spelled like this.(no 'y')

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I know because we now use algorithm guidelines for regulating diabetics glucose,coverage,in hospitals, rather than a simple pre-set morning and evening dose or set standard of coverage.

Really, clever and funny post, ba!

wonder if Guiallani & partners Kerik and his Syrian wife know they are doing global police precinct tazer sales that burn baby burns people---

hmm

they got the Shama in the Shama rama ding dong. But then I have a technical sort of mind.

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i have to admit i didn't do my research here before naming the segwaytians. some even more apt flock type names

a "battery" of segway riders (a battery of barracuda)

a "flamboyance" (of flamingos)

a "confusion" (of guinea fowl)

a "plague" (of locusts)

a "pandemonium" (of parrots)

A foment of Muslims. A peeve of WH flacks. An insurrection of teabaggers.

9 - "Are segway users all stupid twits?"

Yes. Your twits probably rented, rather than purchased, their Segways, hence the matching dorky safety gear–which is as depressing as it sounds.

7 - "Does medical marijuana cure anything?"

No, but a friend with cancer (now deceased) found that it was a much, much better medication for nausea and lack of appetite brought on by chemo than the other medications he had been prescribed. He was (a) straight-edge and (b) Republican, and needed some convincing from his doctor to try it. He went to the local head shop and bought a wizard bong.

2 - "Why do i need to pay $299 for a kindle - isn't there an iPhone or Droid app that will do the same thing?"

For the iPhone, these are a few options among many: (a) The Amazon Kindle iPhone app, which has shitty type, but gives you access to (I think) the entire selection of Kindle books, and is free, (b) Stanza, which has shitty type, a relatively small selection of books, but has the advantage of being free, (c) Eucalyptus, which has pretty decent type, a good UI, costs $10, and gives you access only to the public-domain books on Gutenberg.org. Eucalyptus is the one I use: I will not pay for DRM'd books, I like old stuff, and good UI and decent type is something I'm willing to pay for. I did make it up to chapter XV or so of Gibbon before I gave up and bought a used copy; it's definitely usable, but, unless portability is your main concern, a physical book is far superior to the iPhone's cute l'il screen.

a convocation of christians?

an army of atheists?

but i got the impression they were in a "club" and were making a sight seeing day of it in DC

i'm not aware that you can rent segways (but i'm unwilling to say it doesn't happen) . . . but if you did rent, then why ride in a group?

this group was (my theory) some sort of segway owners association, out to flaunt their toys

you've heard of walking tours? the segway tour covers more ground. no, i haven't. but i saw the place where you sign up for it.

http://citysegwaytours.com/

are merely dupes. Those who promote Segway riding, of course, are liberals intent on undermining America by stripping its citizens of their last shreds of dignity.

Bobby Jindal (the dark-skinned fella from Louisiana) would be a promising candidate for the GOP. Alas, won't ever happen - he's too intelligent. They'll probably drum him out of the party eventually on suspicion of being a moderate.

Medical marijuana is about as effective as a lot of pharmaceuticals for its intended purpose. By any reasonable logic, it would be regulated (or not, as the reality would have it) like the herbal-supplement industry's various products. It is, after all, an herb. Or so they tell me.

As for the Hate America list, it tends to change back and forth pretty frequently - it's a highly competitive field. In fact, there are actually a couple of different Hate America polls, as well as several sets of computer rankings - everyone seems to be of the impression that their special hatred of America isn't accurately reflected by the standard metrics. Anyway, like any major industry, it isn't going to evaporate overnight. It does seem to be in a recessive economic cycle, however - time will tell.