Managing jealousy, I suppose.

As a childhood memory I distinctly remember becoming jealous and bursting into tears while watching an endless parade of goodies fall into my Brother's lap on his birthday. While my Mother explained that I would also have my birthday soon with just as many presents, I was too young to really understand or to be able to communicate my frustration and...Well...Greed.

Opening the presents later can also prevent the minor humiliation (which is always much larger from a child's perspective) of dealing with duplicate gifts, or hearing the younger recipient blurt out "I already have that" or "I hate these things."

When kids are old enough to be able to manage their emotions with other kids windfalls, and are able to graciously accept gifts and know how to treat guests...You can start opening presents during the party.

Didn't she say her kids are 2 and 4? A kid that age gets overwhelmed after one or two presents are opened. They want to play with the ones in front of them (or the box!) and aren't interested in anything else. Trying to divert them into opening more presents just leads to a melt-down. Frankly, a two year old doesn't need a 'party'. They can handle one friend, and a cupcake each. Four year olds get three or four friends, a special video and a cake.

In a couple of years, say when they are 6 or 7, then you get the wild rumpus ripping/tearing/shredding of present after present. By the time they are 9 or so, girls are being very decorous, opening one at a time and thanking appropriately. It's like watching a birthday party at the Queen's. Boys remain rambunctious for another couple of years. It's best to take them out for paintball or an arcade/pizza place.

You also get the situation where a guest's feelings can be hurt because the birthday kid obviously likes somebody else's gift better than theirs.

Oh my god, not to mention the fact that it's mindnumblingly boring for the adults to sit there while a parent tries to usher the toddler through opening a pile of presents - augh! My brother and SIL did that at my neice's 2nd birthday, it was awful. Plus of course all the other 2 year olds were melting down wanting to have presents of their own. Torture.

I love the fact that traditions have changed and the kids don't do the presents at the party. It makes the party about the party and not the presents, avoids all the scenes described above. So much better.

At our 5 year old's bday party this past month, we asked folks _not_ to bring presents. Instead, every child brought a wrapped book and towards the end of the party, we played a variation of hot potato in which the children sat in a circle with the book they brought, and then passed the books in a circle until the music stopped. Then, everyone got to open their book. Everyone loved it. No issues with gifts, also solved the problem of a "goody bag" since each guest already had something to take home, etc. As the children left, they each got to select a bookmark (1.25 for 8 on amazon.com) and a pencil with a funny eraser (5$ for 20 at Michael's Arts and Crafts) to take home as well.

Voila!

AMerid5581:

At our 5 year old's bday party this past month, we asked folks _not_ to bring presents. Instead, every child brought a wrapped book and towards the end of the party, we played a variation of hot potato in which the children sat in a circle with the book they brought, and then passed the books in a circle until the music stopped. Then, everyone got to open their book. Everyone loved it. No issues with gifts, also solved the problem of a "goody bag" since each guest already had something to take home, etc. As the children left, they each got to select a bookmark (1.25 for 8 on amazon.com) and a pencil with a funny eraser (5$ for 20 at Michael's Arts and Crafts) to take home as well.

Voila!

I LOVE that idea! :-) I think kids birthday parties have gotten crazy out of control. The last kids party I went to was for a 4 year old and it looked like the parents probably spent $1,000 on the party. INSANE.

Another option so a toddler doesn't get overwhelmed with opening a lot of presents as was pointed out by Momster is to not invite more than two or three other children to the party. A child that young really doesn't need a whole slew of children there and it will cut down on the chaos.

Kids love opening presents, that's half the damn fun! And who the hell cares if it's boring for the adults? It has nothing to do with you! At my daughter's 4th bd, she had a handful of friends, all chatting excitedly as each present was opened, explaining the gifts they each picked out and why, then they all started jumping around in the pile of wrapping paper. It was a blast! Stop worrying about jealousy and hurt feelings. Instead, help your child learn tact by being nice and thanking each friend for their gift, even if they don't like it that much. And no fucking book swaps! Your child is only young once, let them enjoy some bling every once in a while. For crissakes!

Thank you!

Why don't kids open presents at parties anymore? Simple:

1. The kids have way too much "stuff" already. When we were kids, we got presents twice a year - Christmas and Birthday. That was it. Kids today get the equivelent of presents all the time - the Xbox here, the new outfit there and before you know it they are armpit deep in "stuff". We as parents take all the fun (i.e., "anticipation) out of presents by giving kids what they want when they want it. Of course we tore into our presents like starving people into roast beef. We had waited all damn year for this event and it was finally here!

2. Parents "managing" birthday parties. Our parents idea of management of our birthday parties was to bake a cake, light the candles, and get the hell out of the way! We were allowed to have our own fun, our own rules, our own birthdays.

Make it so that getting presents at a birthday party is much like everyday, routine mass consumption, and have parents micro-manage the parties to death and you'll have your answer to why kids don't tear into their birthday presents anymore.

I agree with atanos. Let the kids have fun and get some stuff from their friends. An give stuff to their friends when the time comes.

I do not know what kind of crazy people vanowen knows, but not everyone can afford to be the horrible consumerist you seem to be hanging out with.

I have a mental image of the sort of parent AMerid is and the sort of parent atanos is, and I think never the 'twain shall meet at a cocktail party ;-)

However, I think we can all agree it's pretty rude and lazy for the host the LW is writing about to not acknowledge the gifts given to the child. If your kid is only 2, make the phone call yourself, but as your kid gets older, you coach him to thank his (or her) guests in person, or to call after, or to scribble it on a card. Something that shows your kid's not a selfish spoiled brat. Then it becomes second nature, and by the time your kid's an adult, no one's writing to Prudie complaining he didn't thank them for the gift they gave him at his fabulous wedding/bridal shower/baby shower/25th anniversary/retirement.

Or are there parents out there that really think when kids grow up they just magically learn manners on their own?

I completely agree with vanowen. Of course, our older child is 4, so Xbox is in our (hopefully) distant future, but both kids know that Walgreen's has toys, and whenever we pass one, they want to go in. When we go because they are sick, they get to pick out something, but yeah, our son has so many toy cars, I really don't know how many.

We were recently at a joint b-day party for two brothers. Our 4 yo is best friends with the younger brother. Both parents are doctors, doing just fine. They invited the entire class of both boys, at one of those great indoor jumping places. With parents, the total was ~75, they had food for all, favors, everything. Since they, like most of us, have too much STUFF, they asked that in lieu of presents, people would donate to Unicef. It's tax deductible for the donor, and on the website, it tells what the money goes toward (schools, vaccinations, water treatment). I thought it was a great idea. I noticed at the party that there were 2-3 envelopes, but what's sad is that the donation response was pathetic. These parents paid for 40 kids to have a fantastic time, and (I guess) since nobody was on the hook for providing a present right then, people didn't need to bother. I figured that I would have spend $XX for presents for the two boys, I would donate $XX.

I anticipate copying this for our upcoming birthdays, and hope our response is better.

I can just imagine this couple who throws a giant party for their children, inviting 40 kids when their children probably have only a handful of friends. They aren't doing it for the kid, they are doing it to make a statement. "Look how much money we have and how big of a party we can throw! I dare you to top it! Plus we are helping a charity! Look how great we are!" I bet the reason they don't want gifts has more to do with the fact that they buy their children's love because they are absentee parents. They have every toy and gadget out there already, so who needs more? Also, maybe if they had a more humble party, even just half the size, they could have given the rest of the money to charity without broadcasting it to everyone, and the kids could have gotten some presents on what should be a special day about them.

Plus, people shouldn't be guilted into giving to a charity, especially one they might not support. Like when my co-worker's husband died, and instead of flowers, she wanted donations to a foundation that I don't believe in. I gave out of guilt and to avoid making a scene at a sensitive moment, but I am still pissed about it. I give to the charities I want, when I want, and I don't feel the need to share the details with everyone. Stop making giving to charities a public statement!

"I gave out of guilt and to avoid making a scene at a sensitive moment, but I am still pissed about it. "

Seriously? Why? If you don't want to give - don't. If you decide to give, take responsibility for your decision and let it go.

On presents at the party, hey if you all had fun, more power to you. It sounds lovely - and it's your kid's party, do whatever you want. I've seen way more parties where it was not nearly so fun for the kids or the adults at the party, so I'll plan my kid's party accordingly. If you want to write the internet lady and complain about it, you go right ahead.