I am in a relationship and still go out and get drunk with single friends. Granted, I'm in my late 20s and don't have kids, but whatever. Sometimes I even play wingman for one of them! SOMETIMES I EVEN GO OUT WITH MY GUY FRIENDS! OOOH THE HORROR! Why can't my boyfriend seem to tame my trampy, slutty spirit! OH NOES!

The daughter was pretty bitchy, but then again, when I visit my parents my mom picks me up from the bar if I'm out with friends -- and doesn't even mind! And she would probably love babysitting the kids and spending some time alone with them, if I had any. Frankly, the daughter should've been clearer about her intentions, but other than that, I don't see a problem.

And I've seen my dad and his friend go through a 12 pack together before, or my mom have a couple margaritas and get a little chatty and it didn't do anything to me -- I didn't even know what beer or a drink was other than an adult beverage. I don't think I realized you could get "drunk" from it until I was in junior high or something. I know kids do watch you, but sometimes I think we give kids too much credit. I recently watched a couple episodes of "Golden Girls" for the first time since I was 9 or 10 and was SHOCKED that it was so dirty! I didn't pick up on ANY of it when I was a kid!

Do you wear a wedding & engagement ring when you are at the clubs?

Anyway, many things in life are great when they work; if you enjoy goind to clubs to dance and flirt with other guys, and that works in your marriage, then great. You say you have self-control and can be trusted, and I am not in a position to question you on that.

But you and your married friends need to add a "so far," or "haven't cheated yet" to qualify your claims because what you are continually exposing yourself to temptation. Like a speed addict with a perfect driving record, the boast "I've never crashed" should really be stated, "I haven't crashed yet."

Married people go to dance clubs w/o their spouse because they want to meet sexually attractive people who are sexually attracted to them. It's about getting a sexual spark without the consequences of having sex. But wanting often leads to having; that is the nature of constantly exposing oneself to temptation. (btw, I'm not talking in the religous sense, and i'm not religiou.)

Imagine if you take 100 married people who enjoy sex, but feel they are faithful, and send them to singles' clubs every night where they dance with attractive and available people. Sure, not everyone will end up having an affair, but many will. Of those that do, some would have wound up having an affair even if they had not gone to the club because, as you say, they would have cheated anyway. But some, if not many, of those who cheat would not have cheated if they had not continually put themself in a position where sex was easily available.

I know this happens often because an attorney in my office practices family law, and a common theme in his divorce cases is the spouse who regularly went to clubs/bars, where he/she met a lover and began an affair.

My aunt is a divorce lawyer, and she says most of her cases involving cheating started with a co-worker or a friend.

The point is that everyone is surrounded by temptation. The only way to prevent that is to refuse to ever be alone with a person of the opposite sex, and I know jealous couples who expect that from their significant others. "I don't want you to talk to my roommate when I'm not here, because she said you are cute!"

Going out dancing (I don't remember anyone saying "singles club"--we tend to like live music) with friends actually helps keep everyone on the straight and narrow. The old saying "three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead" applies. No one is going to cheat in a public place, surrounded by friends who are also friends with the cuckold.

No one has ever identified the plain black stone band on my hand as a wedding ring. I don't wait for them to ask; I tell them.

"We are having a girls' night out; we ditched the menfolk with the kids, and we are here to drink and dance the night away."

There is a sizeable chance that my husband or myself will one day be a cheater, simply looking at statistics. If that ever happens, there will certainly be some fallout. However, I am unwilling to spend my relationship in fear that I will be betrayed, so we have both decided to trust each other implicitely, and in return, to be as up-front and honest as possible.

Freki

I agree with you. When I was reading the letter, I expected the mother to say that she was hurt that the daughter took advantage of her, and also because she didn't even bother to say goodbye when she left the mother's house. Instead she complained about the late night partying.

MUSIC and DANCING are FUN. If your husband doesn't like to dance and you LOVE it, then you should give it up? What if you don't like racecars and he loves them? Should he give them up?

I completely disagree, the problem is people never grow up. We live in a very indulgent "all about me" society and that's why marriage's fail and people cheat. Never learned responsibility. Also the reason why there are so many babies out of wedlock, debt, bullying, etc. Here's a thought, go to college, travel, have your fun, within reason (there is never a good reason for sleeping with a stranger) figure out who you are and what you want, then find a mate with similiar ideals. People care more about some fancy shancy wedding and think very little about the commitment aspect of it, or the type of person they're marrying.

One more thing, why is it that people can't seem to have a good time without getting drunk???? Are they and all their friends such losers that they're only interesting after two beers? And why do women seek validation from other guys and feel the need to flirt? That's just silly.

jascob:

Married people go to dance clubs w/o their spouse because they want to meet sexually attractive people who are sexually attracted to them. It's about getting a sexual spark without the consequences of having sex. But wanting often leads to having; that is the nature of constantly exposing oneself to temptation. (btw, I'm not talking in the religous sense, and i'm not religiou.)

Yeah, that's not true at all... some of us go to dance clubs because we like to dance. Now, I'm fortunate in that my fiance also enjoys dancing and usually comes with me, but I do have some friends whose boyfriends/husbands will not set foot on a dance floor unless you drag their cold dead body onto it. And when the fiance's working or too tired, I go out without him, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm not sure whether this is a gender difference, but you seem to be big on the whole idea of temptation, and I can assure you that it's simply not an issue for me, or any of my close female friends who are in committed relationships. I've been in a relationship for 4.5 years now, and I haven't once been tempted to do anything physical with anyone else, it's not even a consideration. And quite frankly, the type of men who hit on women in bars weren't really my cup of tea when I was single anyway.

If you're going out to find sexually-attractive people, then that's your problem right there, not the dance club or the bar.

Sunday:

I completely disagree, the problem is people never grow up.

Eh. People have been moaning mantras like this since the dawn of time. "You kids have it too easy!" "You're irresponsible!" I don't think people are inherently more irresponsible now. People simply have different responsibilities.

Sunday:

(there is never a good reason for sleeping with a stranger)

Sure there is. If you haven't made any promises not to, and both you and the "stranger" desire it, then it's perfectly peachy. Just remember to use a barrier method and get a biannual STD check.

Sunday:

One more thing, why is it that people can't seem to have a good time without getting drunk????

Why is it that people feel that a person who enjoys getting drunk once in a while doesn't have fun if they aren't drunk? You have a problem if you can't have fun without being drunk, but having fun while being drunk isn't in and of itself a problem.