I need a word to express its being worthwhile condemning someone. For example, condemning Hitler serves little purpose - everyone would agree, he's long dead, my condemnation has no effect, etc. In the slim hope that she may read this (other no-effect caveat still in effect), I'd like to say that disgusted daughter-in-law is high on the list of the most worthy of condemnation. I found that a truly sickening letter, doubly instrumental (her kids are a means to manipulate the grandparents), greedy, stupid, thoughtless, and generally vile.

Despicable!

Your post ignores 3 things :

1. People are irrational when it comes to their kids. They generally want the best for their kids no matter what

2. We factor in a person's wealth when we are judging them. Thus, a $100 fine for a rich person means nothing but it will be a financial blow to a poor person. Likewise we wouldn't think as much of a $10 gift from Bill Gates than the same gift from someone on social security.

3. Hitler didn't have kids