Yeah, calling names with no rational argument behind them is just boring. Plus, I've seen 4 year olds do it better than your attempt. I'm done with you now.

My husband and I run in very close social circles with my ex and his wife. (In fact, two mutual friends are getting married and we're both part of the wedding party.) While we don't talk beyond being polite and friendly in social situations, and sending each other clients (we're in similar fields and he's a genius at what he does) the whole looming "Like OMG we used to have sex" thing really only reared it's head for like 5 minutes the first post breakup encounter.

In fact, I run in close social circles with all of my exes! My best friend and maid of honor when I got married had a bday weekend getaway in Mexico and invited another of my exes. My fiance at the time was not there (he had to work) and he had no problem with us spending the time together. The girls and boys slept separately and *gasp* nothing happened!

If this guy's fiance wants to cheat on him, keeping her in a little glass box isn't going to stop anything. If they are going to be sharing their futures together he needs to give her more credit. Accusing her of wanting to plow any reasonable male isn't the way to go about it. And it's not like she's asking for permission to take moonlit walks on the beach alone or to put a hotel on their shared credit card! He's absolutely refusing to allow her to see him, even if himself or others are there. What does he think she's going to do, throw herself on the table and start dry humping in front of him? That's the part that makes me think he's very insecure. He needs to be okay with himself before attempting to build a life with someone else.

RMc2009:

Most people manage to function in a reasonable manner with an exe or two, and most people manage to deal with their significant others exes.

Sounds like you've had quite a few exes, and, judging from your dozens of other responses on this topic, you'll have quite a few more.

I doubt it. I've been married 5 years (we've been together for 7) and we're still going strong. We share very similar views when it comes to sexual morals and dealing with exes.

RMc2009:

It's one thing for your SO to have former lovers...it's quite another to have shoved in your face. Do you really not see the difference?

I've met a number of my husband's exes in social circumstances. I don't consider them being "shoved" in my face. It's not really a big deal if you view people as more than just whom they have sex with. He's also met a few of my exes as well, though I grew up 3k miles away from where we currenty live, and I'm eight years younger so the probability of encountering them is less. But, I accept that my husband had a past before we got together, and it includes other women that he ... *gasp* ... had sex with, and that since they are still friends with his friends, I will encounter them every once in a while.

I think the only time it was awkward was running into his previous ex in the bathroom at the Rocky Horror Picture show a few weeks after my husband had dumped her and started dating me....

RMc2009:

Nobody suddenly decides to "go back to being friends"; one of the two parties (usually the woman) makes the decision to stop having sex, and the other person has to abide by it.

Actually, I've encountered people where the decision to stop being in a romantic relationship was mutual, not to mention that it happened to me. In any case, even if the decision was completely one-sided it doesn't really change anything. Someone decided to end the romantic/sexual part of the relationship, and that doesn't happen on a whim. There are specific reasons why the relationship wasn't working.

I do find it a little amusing that you are poutingly like, "And the other person has to abide by it." Duh. If only one person wants to have sex and forces the other, there's a word for that.....

RMc2009:

If that's the case here, the fiance damn well better be on his guard.

Why? If she chose to stop having sex with this man before, why would she decide to start having sex with him again? The only thing that would worry me is if the only reason they broke up was that she moved away. Then the reason is distance, which is going to be shortly negated.

RMc2009:

It's very easy to be rational about it. If you consider sex to be roughly equivalent to flossing, sure. For some of us, it means more.

No, I find it very easy to be rational about those things which are important. To be irrational leads one to not making the best decisions, and that leads to regret.

RMc2009:

Nor does it change the fact that the fiance is being an unreasonable prick. Yeah. Gonna have a lot more exes before you're done, sweetheart.

You seem to feel that throwing a childish temper tantrum and threatening retaliation is an acceptable response to a disagreement with your significant other. That's fine, but such behavior is going to end your relationships whereas the opposite behvavior that I display will keep my marriage strong.

RMc2009:

Congratulations, Kea: you beat the odds....For most people, though, having contact with ex-lovers is just asking for trouble.

Oh really? Care to quote the statistical source for your assertion? Or are you merely making the mistake of pluralizing ancedote? Many people I know have an ex in their life in some fashion. For the most part, it doesn't lead to trouble.

RMc2009:

It doesn't make you a controlling prick to want to limit your SO's contact with people they used to sleep with,

Trying to, well, control your SO's actions IS being controlling. In the case of the letter, the LW gave two perfectly acceptable options and her fiance wasn't interested in compromising by choosing either one. That's controlling. He's a prick because he thinks threatening to something deliberately hurtful during a disagreement with his fiancee is the proper course of action.

RMc2009:

and insisting that they "get over it" is unfair and rude.

It is unfair and rude to subject your significant others to your irrationality.

RMc2009, you're using the No True Scotsman fallacy. Despite loads of people showing up and telling you that their partners have no problem with socializing with exes, or who socialize with their exes without cheating, you dismiss everyone as either:

a) Naive
b) Delusional
c) Slutty
d) Dysfunctional
e) A freak of nature

But all "normal" people like you freak out at the mere sight of an ex. Sure, whatever.

At some point, all of us naive delusional slutty dysfunctional freaks of nature are going to outnumber you, and you're the one who's the exception to the rule. If you can't keep your dick in your pants, that's your problem, not ours.

Despite loads of people showing up and telling you that their partners have no problem with socializing with exes, or who socialize with their exes without cheating

Loads? I count three. And besides, people are more likely to respond to a message if they disagree with it.

This isn't really about "cheating"; no, I don't believe LW will suddenly get horizontal with Jose in full view of her fiance. It's about being polite, being kind, being respectful of your partner. Yes, there are folks who don't give a rip if their SO has slept with half the planet...and then there are people who do. If you're engaged to one, is it really that difficult to show a little consideration? Or are we all too busy being independent, politically correct, unemotional automotons?

Of course, you dismiss such people as being controlling, delusional, nasty and probably mean to kittens. Now who's being judgemental here?