do you see how rude and childish that sounds? of course i don't mean it, though. i don't know you. and you don't know this woman or her kids. if you feel the need to call names, maybe you should go on time out. seriously, there's no need to attack her or to call her children names. if you want to deconstruct her post, which admittedly had a lot of flaws in logic, but then so have many of yours that i've read, fine. Otherwise, i suggest you grow the hell up.

Do your research on where most of our living practices and standards come from and you will trace them back to either Cesar Augustus and Emporer Justinian. We still follow their standards today without even knowing why. Before their laws were in place people were much freer to live their lives. Much of what we have never been taught to question originated with their laws. My kids learned about this in middle school. I have learned more about it on the History Channel. You probably won't get it until someone puts it into a video game or a Hollywood movie with digitalized special effects. (You are a man, aren't you?)

Thanks

about people not paying attention to WHY they have the beliefs they do in the first place. A lot of people tend to live their lives with opinions based not on anything they logically deduced (tee hee) themselves, but based on social mores that weren't mandated by a god or religion, but by some man (well, in the case of the emperors you cited, i guess you could say that they were both, in their opinions).

point is, many of the ideas about what is "right", "good", or "moral" in society have shifted throughout the millenia. So to be so rigid in what one thinks without examining the why seems pretty durned illogical, if not downright stupid. I'm not saying i wholeheartedly agree with you, mm, but it's something that we should remember to keep the conversation in context. 50 years from now, it could be the norm for women to have kids without men and raise them by themselves. Hell, 50 years from now, it could be the norm for it to be the other way around! Such is the nature of humanity.

Seems you keep dating “relatively successful” users of drug and alcohol who are subjected to any number of substances of abuse. And you kept on…..FOOLISH

There is a plentiful “amount of decent partners” out there if you would stop looking in back alley bars, and drug dens.....AGAIN FOOLISH

And if you would have A LONG, LONG time ago stopped looking for that TV perfect dad/husband and let God lead you to the one for you, you would not have committed so many sins in the pursuit of being a mother and your children would have been even better.

deduction:

because she's a good single parent? or because of her anti-men rant? You could argue the point on either one, but the more ridiculous statement is that most single parents are bad. I aver that a bad parent is a bad parent whether they are married or not and a good one is a good one whether they are married or not. Most people fall somewhere in the middle there where they have bad and moments.... because they are human.

that was a pretty cynical tirade against men, though. with no paragraph breaks, no less. yikes! marinmom, i truly believe there are lots of good men out there. i'm not saying they are growing from trees. but i refuse to be so cynical as to think they are all worthless. if for no other reason because i am not interested in being gay.... and i've met more than one guy who was worthwhile. you just have to be choosy and not assume a job and/or money= good guy.

I think you'll find that good men are about as common or uncommon as good women.

marinmom:

I am a very successful single mother. My daughter graduated from a great college last June and my son from high school in one of the most expensive and beautiful cities in the world. My kids are happy and much better adjusted than many of their peers. Many of their friends from very successful two parent families were very depressed. Some suicidal. In fact, the kids that did commit suicide were from two parent families. What this article does not cover is the reason many women in particular decide it is better to raise children on their own. I am not saying women are perfect. Many are not. However, women's problems usually originate with the men in their lives. Men are usually the abusive partner. Men rape,cheat,molest, abuse and exploit at a much higher rate than women. In our case, it was better that I raised the kids alone. If my kids had been exposed to Dad, they would have grown up around alcohol and drugs and would have had to suffer the fallout. He also had no control over his spending. To this day my credit suffers from his childish spending sprees. Why, you may ask would I choose to have a child with someone like that? Because most of the men around are like that. This is not the exception, this is status quo! I don't know any men that don't have these kind of fatal flaws. A lot have anger control problems or are too controlling in general. I am not talking about some low income, low class uneducated scumbags. The men I have dated have been from good families and are relatively successful. Most of their problems have stemmed from identity crisises and insecurity that has lead to drug and alcohol use. In the fifties some women and children might be subjected to an alcoholic parent. Now, they are subjected to any number of substances of abuse. I picked up my son from his fathers house one time and as soon as he got in the car he burst into tears because his father ranted at him for hours high on cocaine. This is what is really lacking in this article and why it is so poorly researched. Bottom line, I think that other than economic reasons, the only reason my kids needed a father is to tell other kids that they have one. I think it also bothered them to see how much harder mom had to work. However, if you asked either of my kids now that they are grown which one of their parents really and truly cares about them they would say me, their mother. Neither child ever wanted to live with Dad because they knew that he did not have their interest at heart. The only reason that he ever visitied with them was so that he wouldn't have to pay as much child support. I am not opposed to marriage among people who are truly dedicated to each other and their kids. But the amount of decent partners out there is pretty scarce. I looked for years and never found one until age 40. Should I have not had kids because of it? No. I am an excellent mother and I deserved to have kids. I did not want to have them at 40. If it were up to me, their father would have nothing to do with them. Is he a total scumbag? No. He has a rich daddy and you would never know that he ever had a problem financially or otherwise. If you met him today you would think, "What a swell guy". But do I want to subject my kids to him? No. Some people therorize that humans were supposed to be like bears and just mate and separate. The female raises the cubs. I think in most cases this is true of humans. I think that the reason why we are seeing so many women and children murdered by the Dad is that they can never live up to the T.V. standard of what is expected of them.Television is a double edged sword.It can do a lot of good and has been the number one reason that women no longer take crap off of men. But television glorifies marriage and childbirth and pregnacy. You can't even turn on the TV these days without watching some dumb cow with her legs spread giving birth on national TV. How sick! We need to stop idealizing it! People don't even know why they do the things they do. All of our ethics were handed down by men like Cesar Augustus and Emporer Justinian. Look it up! More rules made by men to control women. Look at the Arabs and how they use religion to control their women. Religion is all about controlling women. Many women would not have anything to do with men if it were not for socioeconomic reasons and public perception. A woman feels like she's no one without a husband and kids. Relatives hound her about getting married and having babies. That is why we have global warming and our natural resources are being used up. Overpopulation. A married couple producing more than two offspring is a much larger threat to society than single mothers. The best thing that can be done for single mothers is education. If the mother is educated and can make a decent living her kids will do just fine. The court systems are getting better about custody and child support issues. Genetics testing can provide proof of paternity. It's just as good as being married with regards to the court system now. It protects the kids instead of protecting the person with the most money to pay lawyers. When my kids were little, I had to turn down better paying jobs in less expensive areas because I was not allowed to move out of a 50 mile radius from where I lived because of a stupid rule made by a stupid man. Talk about violating a person's civil rights! A mother should be able to go wherever she can to secure a future for herself and her kids.She has just as much right to do so as a man. More, if you count points for bad behavior. We need to look at marriage as a legal partnership, nothing more. The rest is what you bring to it. We need to stop glorifiying it on TV and quit hounding our kids to get married and procreate. Stop pointing fingers at women. We have been controlled for thousands of years. Maybe if good women are left to raise their kids in peacewe can raise our sons to be nice people.

2 comments:

1. Invest in a high quality dildo or vibrator.

2. Does your son know how you feel about men? This could effect the way he sees himself when he becomes a man.

no really. you are... did this woman say she went around to drug dens and back alleys picking up men? it's almost cute how you jump to such silly conclusions and then run with them and therefore make anything you say irrelevant because you are doing a little something called ranting. similar to raving.... it's what lunatics do.

now granted, she could very well have been going to drug dens, but there's nothing that suggests that. i could judge from your post that you were blogging from a drug den. but i have no proof of that either.

some people just have no idea how to have a conversation, much less a debate...

Deduction- Did Pogue's last post seem to suggest that they to felt her son might have some serious self perception problems if she were to espouse her views at home? That was all I was sugesting earlier, and i think it is still a valid point.

you could have asserted that without name calling. that was my point.

i agree that it's not good to male bash or female bash- especially in front of your children. teach them facts and let them form their own opinions, is my MO. However, i know only the tiniest bit about marinmom and her life, regardless of what she wrote. i'm not going to judge her or her husband based on a couple of fray entries. frankly, i don't see why anyone would judge her at all. it's her life and she's the one who has to live it.

i can look at others and say- i sure as hell wouldn't do that- without castigating for the choices, good or bad, that they may have made. As a caring and compassionate person, i might point out something that i think a person may not have considered or been aware of and it's up to said person to take it or leave it as it goes. I think that's a much healthier attitude than some of the posters who come to the fray to judge, feel superiour, and denigrate others' lifestyles. (i'm not perfect. i get judgemental,too, at times. i just try and keep it to myself)

You speak very eloquently, and I don't have a philosophical issue with anything you just said. However, this is an opinion board. She chose get to on hear and openly express some fairly outrageous (at least in the OPINION of several other people) view points. What would be the point of even having an opinion board if after every comment, all that was said was "thanks for your opinion" and nothing further. Wouldn't be much of a discussion would it?

Thank you. You sound very smart.

Marinmom- That last reply was for DEDUCTIONS, most certainly not you.

You seem very misinformed. My entire point is that there are not very many men out there who do not have substance abuse problems. That is why women (usually) are deciding that it is much easier to make a go of it alone. The only problem I ever experienced was the public perception of single motherhood being some kind of social disease. Those same people who looked down on us can not figure out why their daughters turned out to be obese,suicidal, manic depressive lesbians. One father even claimed to an associate that my beautiful, accomplished college bound daughter was his! His daughter didn't go to college because he and his wife were alcoholics and not paying attention to their daughter. These are not freaks. The father is a wealthy contractor who builds amusement parks and airport extentions. The parents are now divorcing because the father cheated. I do not look down on these people. They have been good friends to my daughter. But being married did not save their kids. You are very narrow minded if you think that there are lots of men out there who are just dandy to have around kids. I have seen the fallout and it is not pretty. My sister is married to a cop who would never touch drugs. He does drink plenty of beer but is not what I would consider an alcoholic. He is an excellent father. He is not, however an excellent husband. They have been married for 35 years. He is always going off on "hunting trips" that he knows my sister is not interested in. Everyone is convinced he screws around. But if some naive person like yourself were to view them as a family, you would think that they were perfect. Believe me, they are not. They have more of a sibling relationship and bicker like siblings. He is always putting her down. I think that your view of the family is idealistic and ignorant and if you were really paying attention you would find that it is not so great to find that perfect man. They all come with a big bag of rocks. Wake up! Your ignorance, idealism, and naivity hurt more than help.

Thanks! Your'e smart!