Sunsets are, yes, lovely, unless badly imitated by randomly sponging the paint on in a 6x8 room... perhaps the side of a warehouse would be more appropriate...

And the shades of the paint are kind of crucial as well... we're in Colorado and I'm sure the Broncos were his inspiration for the blue and orange... (egad).

I'm shocked that 2 people could have the same bad idea whether it be decorating or fashion, and yet more than once I've witnessed aging women with badly-bleached hair in skimpy tops and leggings - protruding belly flab and bright red nails saying "Hi Doll" in that smoker's voice that could just as easily be a transvestite's... and you know they looked in the mirror before they left the house and thought, "oh yeah, that's the look I'm going for!"

I'm telling you, all the signs are there... with Zoolander as inspiration... there's no stopping this train...

concerning the guy who didn't like to come home to his 2 year old daughter . . .

i read somewhere that a husband (or bf) was 3X more likely to leave his relationship if his dependents (any quantity) included no boys

I'd heard a similar stat which was premised on whether his firstborn was a male or female. Apparently, guys really want sons. Assuming they want any at all, that is.

It's true... they seem to all want sons. But most dads I've known with sons and daughters have had better relationships with their daughters. Not always, but it's been the majority that I've known.

We can sell clothing specially designed for those who believe in their own hotness in spite of the visual evidence to the contrary.

Manly man sweaters with no buttons above the navel!

Baseball caps with built-in mullet wigs!

Hooker heels in every shade of red and orange!

Gold neck chains with dollar sign pendants!

Tight unisex stretch slacks in all sizes!

Our crowning achievement - the unithong! (I think I ought to copyright that right now.)

india or china, where they're likely to abort (or abandon) the baby if it's born the "wrong gender"

tonto_goldberg:

We can sell clothing specially designed for those who believe in their own hotness in spite of the visual evidence to the contrary.

Manly man sweaters with no buttons above the navel!

We could include otional "Austin Powers" full coverage hairy chests or extensions...

Baseball caps with built-in mullet wigs! See link below for full affect of mulletude:

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Hooker heels in every shade of red and orange!

With matching nail polish and glitter star appliques...

Gold neck chains with dollar sign pendants!

Refer to "Manly Man" sweaters, above.

Tight unisex stretch slacks in all sizes!

Will not be available in black, brown or navy (unless fashioned of pleather)

Our crowning achievement - the unithong! (I think I ought to copyright that right now.)

Yes, get that baby copyrighted... (Me thinks there may be untrustworthy souls trolling about just hoping to grab up such an opportunity)...

I have one more addition...

Fake tattoos and belly button jewelry

For that oh, so subtle look that only such ecoutrements can offer...

Drat, I may be a fashion disaster, but I'm not at the midriff wearing belly sagging spandex wearing stage yet! I will have to wait a few years to be on your show.

However, you could do a show on the color inept. I am mocked for wearing blue and green or blue and brown. But I don't understand! If I see them in nature and they look good, could someone please explain why I can't do it with my clothes?

Also, as a dark skinned (with a slightly yellowish cast), dark haired, dark eyed girl, I cannot wear this "nipple pink." Or yellow. Or white, since it makes me look yellow. I do think I look pretty good in jewel and natural tones. Am I right?

Help me "Frayed" you're my only hope to become the fashionista of mañana!

First off, being a fashionista is all about attitude. Style and class are optional, especially with the kind of clothes we will be designing. Some of it will be downright tacky, but wear it with a swagger and most people won't know better. Look at the stuff that Donna Karan put on the runway!

Work with what you have first. The dark, shiny long hair and big, dark eyes can be absolutely fabulous. Then look at the color wheel. Light purple/lavender would probably be an excellent choice. Natural light brown/tan should be good. Teal to green probably not. See my earlier comment on bruise combinations. A bright yellow should make your light yellow skin look whiter if that would be your wish.

The blue/green or blue/brown combination would look like a bruise, and most people don't like the combination. Your yellowish skin could heighten that effect.

Remember my comments on nipple pink, though. You would probably not like the lighter "just budding" shades but the darker shades of "been there done that" pink MIGHT work. I won't go any further down that road.

You've definitely got the accessory line going there.

You can wear the strongest colors in the palette and look fabulous. The blue and green rule is crap. Try navy and chartreuse. Electric blue with khaki. Wonderful.

You can't do the little-girl pinks, and no one over the age of twelve should. Try fuschia, or bright violet. (NOT pale menopause mauve.) You'll look like a grown up, and a sexy one at that.

Brown and blue are classic. Try chocolate brown with navy (classic, a little preppy), dark brown with turquoise (brown is a neutral), medium brown or a bronzy tone with aqua (beachy, summer colors). All terrific combinations and they look great with your skin and hair.

One color you can wear brilliantly is orange - don't listen to the nay-sayers, here. Just don't make it a namby pamby pale coral or creamsicle orange. Go for the truly bright red/coral. In fact, your best reds are in the orange neighborhood. The cold reds with blue undertones will kill your skin.

Oh, and you can so wear yellow. Just stay away from the light ones and go for a deep mustard - it has some brown tones. Great in the fall. Beware, though. It can make your teeth look dull.

Wear gold jewelry, coral lipstick, eye pencils with navy and gold tones. Don't bother with foundation, use a yellow toned power - Clinique makes good ones. Go to a Prescriptives counter and have them make a concealer for you if you need one. Most are pink tones and they won't work for you.

Play up your eyebrows with gel. Maybelline still makes the BEST mascaras anywhere. Their waterproof versions are amazing - they stayed put for 12 hours in 90 degree heat hiking in Japan and washed off with a little hand lotion at the end of the day.

To get started, choose one item in a bright color every time you get dressed. I discovered awhile ago that I always reach for my bright "pool blue" polo shirt from Land's End, so I order a new one every year.

Sorry for the lecture....sigh. It's that fashion thing all over again, I'm afraid. Alas, the fashion section of Slate has stopped dead at the Oscars...pitiful.

Whoo-Hoo! Messy I do believe I shall print out your post and go shopping! Thank you and everyone else for all the advice!

:-D

Sorry, it must be the male part of my personality, but I am still giggling about "nipples" and the "been there done that" pink.

*snort* I am such a child.

...and just try stuff on. You'd be amazed at what works. I always find a couple of things that I really wanted to like that turn out to be disasters, too. Play. Do not take even one thing into a fitting room that you already have in your closet.

Last year, I tried on a pair of wide-legged white pants. I thought for sure they were going to be hideous because I remember the 70s well. Surprise! They look great. Who knew?

I like the Prescriptives and Clinique counters the best. They don't tend to try and sell you a gazillion dollars worth of skin care if you don't want it. Disclaimer: I have issues with plant allergies. I like Neutrogena products from the drug store.

The color palette is transcendent. I am especially inspired by the synopsis:

MessyONE:

To get started, choose one item in a bright color every time you get dressed. I discovered awhile ago that I always reach for my bright "pool blue" polo shirt from Land's End, so I order a new one every year.

And as an over-40, I thought I was the only one left who still loved Maybelline mascara... my choice is soft and full, waterproof... contains nutrients that keep you, well, full and soft...

I would add: always play up either your lips or your eyes... neither and you disappear, both and they end up vying for attention. I'm an eye person, so I go subtle on the lips... pale "matte" glosses, not much for lipstick anyway.

What can I say? I think we should change the name to:

"Frayed to Fabulous"