The first thing I would have told the mother who wrote in regarding her daughter's "visit" (if it could be called such) is that no, she was not wrong to tell her daughter to next time book a hotel room. I would also tell her to make sure she has a babysitter lined up if she plans on going out all night with her girlfriend. She treated her mother very shabbily-my God, she didn't even say goodbye when she left! She used her mother like a papert towel, then called to tell her she was going to do it again and had the nerve to be offended when her Mother protested. Please. As far as her children go, I would bet you five dollars she doesn't do that at home and decided to use old Mom as an excuse and free babysitter. She should tell her daughter she welcomes her and her children anytime, but a visit is what she expects to get. Period.

Actually, I see nothing wrong with going out with her girlfriend for a couple of nights. The daughter is probably weighed down with family life and wants to have a little girl time. When my daughter was born, I was cooped up at home and had no social life. And my mother never babysat, ever. It was too much trouble. Jeez, give the girl a break! And the grandmother is very judgemental. I bet when she grew up in the 1960s she was probably a hippie. The grandmother probably doesn't want the responsibility, and I think it sucks!

I pretty much with VelvetVoice. Although the daughter doesn't have the right to assume Grandma will be happy to babysit and be a hotel, Grandma shouldn't be calling her daughter a slut, no matter the provocation. I think it's great the daughter is looking to get out and blow off some steam. And Prudence, I really disagree with you saying she has behavioral problems. Way way jumping to conclusions.

House Rules. No matter how old I am or how many children I have, my mother will never tolerate me coming into her house and staying out until all hours of the night. This is the reason I moved out in the first place. These are the rules she has for her house; when I stay there, I respect them.

I don't see why her daughter could not have told her mom that she wanted to come up and party for the weekend and ask if she could watch the kids. I think the real slap in the face is the way she assumed her mom would be happy to do this without asking. I find that rude.

velvet voice, how can you not see anything wrong with a married woman going out of town with girlfriends doing the bar scene , getting drunk , and getting into who knows what other trouble? it is immature, irresponsible and shows little if any respect for the vows she took with her husband who couldn't join them because he was working. what's more her own children are witness to such disgusting behavior.

by the way, the mother did not tell her she was a slut. she said that's what her mother would have said.

as far as being judgemental is concerned, that's what we do, all of us, every day. why even your own comments about sad and perplexed were judgemental. and you have the audacity to think acting like this is ok.

i know the mother is concerned that she may not get to see her grandkids again and thus she may be prepared to turn a blind eye to this behavior in the future, but if i were she, i'd call my son in law ASAP and tell him what's going on. and if he didn't seem to be concerned i'd call child protective services and get those kids away from such a self indulgent irresponsible daughter as she is before her kids suffer god knows what under her tuteledge.

if the daughter needs to blow off some steam, she should try jogging or some other form of rigorous exercise. going bar hoppingm getting drunk, and not knowing what the heck she's doing under the influence as a married woman with children is not appropriate, no matter how much she or you think she deserves it. if i were her husband i would already have a good lawyer on retainer and be preparing to get those kids away from her and her away from me.

you guys are overreacting, adult woman goes to her parent's house, goes out with a friend, comes back with the same friend late at night, i'm assuming the kids were already asleep, and she's drunk so to you that means she had sex, is a bad parent and wife, and is abusive or neglectful at other times too, because its a waste of taxpayers money and it hurts other children who actually are being abused if social workers have to take time away from them to check out false claims

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Why do you and this bimbo look on your children as a burden?

If her daughter is acting the slut the mother should be straight forward and let her know.

If the truth hurts so be it. That is the problem with this world today, no one wants to hear the truth.

She should have known that her mother, like you, has a stick up her ass about adults going out and having adult fun.

I know that when one or both of my parents, my friends parents, my relatives parents and everyone else's parents went out to eat, drink and be merry, they hired babysitters. That's a normal, ordinary thing to do, thousands of parents do it every day.

I know this is shocking to you, but adults don't turn in their grown-up badges when they have kids. They don't suddenly lose the stomach enzymes to digest anything but chicken fingers, Cheerios, and mashed bananas. Most parents will tell you that babies are not fun to be around 24/7, and that changing diapers is indeed a life-changing experience, and not in a positive way.

Their genitals don't fall off, either. I know a whole bunch of couples who will hire sitters so they can have evenings of uninterrupted nookie. Some of them do this so they can see their boy/girlfriends, too. That's what normal people do.

I remember clearly dinner parties at which all of the adults kicked us into bed after dinner and proceeded to play progressively louder card games throughout the evening. So does everyone else I know, and so do many people on the boards here.

If you sincerely believe that people with kids should never have a drink again, should never see their single friends again, should hide in the house and never leave unescorted, then I feel very sorry for you.

If you think that all married women should suddenly forget that they're human beings with human needs and a craving to have fun, then I feel sorry for your spouse.

What a boring little life you must have.

i can certainly see how you got your monaker.

getting babysitters and going out with your spouse and friends and making noise playing cards or having a few drinks is fine. even taking vacations with other adults and leaving kids home with responsible grandparents, for instance is also ok.

but going out of town with a girlfriend, while hubby remains at home is acting inappropriately. becoming married and having kids requires you make sacrifices, which means giving up something of great importance for something that has a more pressing need, like fidelity, setting a good example, behaving like an adult and not putting your own selfish selfinterest ahead of the welfare of your children and spouse.

you may feel its ok, but there is nothing you could possibly say that would justify that kind of behavior.

by the way, your "stick up the ass" remark speaks volumes about your view on life and your moral turpitude. your kind of speak is a sad commentary on the morals and values that currently pervade our american culture. so sad that morality and social conscience has sunk so low to meet your level of right and wrong.

louie1a:

but going out of town with a girlfriend, while hubby remains at home is acting inappropriately.

Bull. There is nothing wrong with taking a vacation with a friend and not your spouse. Being married doesn't ment that you are fused at the hip. Most couples do this once in a while.

louie1a:

becoming married and having kids requires you make sacrifices,

Certainly you do have to make sacrifices, but one of them doesn't have to be never interacting with a friend unless you have your husband and/or children there. That's simply ludicrous.

louie1a:

and not putting your own selfish selfinterest ahead of the welfare of your children and spouse.

An unhappy parent is going to have a hard time being a good parent. If going out once in a while keeps a parent happy, then it is not selfish and it is in the best interest of the spoue and children. The problem with the LW wasn't that she went out and got sloshed with a friend, it was that she was completely rude to her mother.

louie1a:

you may feel its ok, but there is nothing you could possibly say that would justify that kind of behavior.

Well fortunately for the rest of us, we're not married to you so we don't have to justify our behavior to you.

*snicker*

Moral turpitude? That's a new one on me! *snort* I haven't been accused of that for a couple of decades! I remember it distinctly. It was from some little social outcast who was bitter about being left at home all the time...Of course, he is no longer recieved...Let's just say we move in different circles, and leave it at that.

"Social conscience?" That's even funnier. I haven't heard that one since the early 80s, and certainly not in that context. Perhaps you should look that one up? ...is that how long it's been since you went out? It is to laugh. Spoken like someone who has no friends. What century do you live in, anyway? Or are you still squatting in Mom's basement, pretending that you have a life?

What's the difference between leaving the kids at Mom's and going out with a friend and leaving them with a babysitter? Please tell me. I think the way she handled things is rude, and if she'd been up front with her mother before pulling her little shenanigans her mother would probably have agreed.

As for your little hating place...I see that women are targetted for you particular ire and suspect that it wouldn't really matter what happens, all women are sluts in your eyes. One wonders if you can even converse with female relatives without making an ass of yourself.

All it means is that you are safely ignored, little troll.

I'm with MessyOne, alli23, and the other posters who think having fun as a married adult with children is no crime. Why do people assume that the daughter is sleeping around and a moral degenerate because she enjoys a night of fun and drinks with her friend *twice a year*? The fantasies you judgemental curmudgeons are constructing are probably much more exciting and scandalous than the daughter's reality.

Her only offense was rudeness, and the mother seems to be lashing out over hurt feelings more than anything. If the partying daughter had told her mother her plan from the start -- that she wanted help with babysitting so that she could go out with her friend and did not plan to do much visiting herself -- the drama could have been avoided.

I am more troubled by the mother's egotism, implied insults, and threats. Rather than telling the daughter that her rude behavior hurt her feelings and that she wants some quality time with her, she prefers to call her names, question her values, and make her stay in a hotel? That is a recipe for fewer high-quality visits with her daughter and grandchildren in the future, not more.